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As mothers, we naturally expect our children to be open, expressive, and affectionate with us. So, when you notice that your child is shy or reserved around you, it can raise concerns and leave you wondering, “Why is my child shy around me?” Maybe they keep mum and avoid talking to you about their day. It’s as if a mysterious veil has fallen between you and the child you know so well. Let’s explore the various reasons behind this behaviour and offer insights on nurturing a more open and comfortable relationship with your little one.
Why Is My Child Shy Around Me
Children may be shy with their parents for various reasons:
A child who grows up in a dysfunctional family may feel isolated and may not have strong connections. If parents are too judgmental, harshly criticize, don’t try help but always look for faults putting the child down and never having words of affection or praise for them, can harm the child’s self-esteem especially around their parents.
Overprotective or critical parenting styles can contribute to shyness. Children who are constantly told what to do may be become more withdrawn. Authoritarian parenting, with strict rules and lack of open communication can make a child lack social skills. Such parents are likely to degrade a child and ignore the child’s point of view.
Some children experience social anxiety, which can manifest even with their parents. They may be afraid of making mistakes, being judged, criticized or humiliated in front of others.
Some children feel like they don’t fit in with their family’s expectations or values. Very high expectations or controlling parenting can make children insecure & self-conscious around their parents.
Parents and children may not always communicate effectively, which can result in nervousness and confusion.
Children may fear offending or disappointing their parents. This dread can lead to shyness and reluctance to express themselves.
Shyness can be a part of a child’s nature. Some children are just born more shy and reserved than others and take time to warm up to people, as well as their parents.
Children with affectionate & strong bond with their parents are generally outgoing and confident. Children who have an insecure attachment may be more reserved and quiet, even with their parents. These children are more hesitant to intermingle openly with their parents.
Past negative interactions, trauma or conflict between parents may lead to discomfort around them. Children who have gone through suffering or harassment may be more likely to be shy. Additionally, children who were kept apart from family members for some time due to divorce, boarding school or sickness may also become shy of their parents.
As children grow, peer relations become more significant. They may become shy around their parents as they seek independence.
Ways to help your child overcome shyness and build their confidence around you:
Boundaries and expectations are healthy and recommended, but don’t be critical of your children if they fail to meet your expectations. Respond with warmth and respect for the child. Always express your unwavering love and support for them, regardless of the circumstances. When a child breaks a rule, it should be a great opportunity to teach a life lesson, and not be punished.
Celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how little. Please encourage them to explore new activities. Compliment your child for their brave behaviour. Every time your child takes a step outside their comfort zone, express your admiration & let them know how proud you are of them.
It takes time for children to overcome shyness. Be understanding, and don’t get discouraged if they don’t show results immediately. Patience, empathy, and gentle encouragement are your best allies.
Let your child know that they can always come to you with anything; their fears, concerns, or thoughts without judgment and without being ridiculed. Try to be compassionate and understand your child’s needs and temperament to help them overcome shyness.
Listen to your child attentively and provide positive reinforcement to ease their self-consciousness
Children are amazingly observant and can pick up on their parents’ emotions. If they sense that you are repeatedly critical or disapproving, they may become shy as a defence mechanism. It’s crucial to create a non-judgmental, healthy atmosphere where your child feels comfortable to express themselves without anxiety about criticism. It will build trust and connection between you and your child.
Single moms often play the role of both parents, sometimes leading to dominant communication styles. Think about the way you talk with your child. Do you often lead the discussion, or do you actively listen and engage with them? Shy children may feel overwhelmed by parents who constantly dominate the conversation. Create a safe space for open communication. Even if they’re shy, try to create a more balanced and interactive dialogue by actively listening and engaging with them, allowing your child to express their thoughts and feelings comfortably.
In our busy lives, it’s easy to overlook the importance of spending quality time with our children, but this valuable time is important. Create opportunities for one-to-one closeness & bonding. Get involved in activities they love, whether watching a movie, painting, building blocks or reading. It can help your child feel more secure & cozy around you.
Encourage your child to open up and respect their need for space and independence. Don’t push them to be more expressive if they’re unhappy. Your child may be shy around you simply because they need space or time to process their feelings. Accepting and valuing these boundaries is essential for building trust & is a key step in developing a confident connection.
Single moms, you are superheroes in your child’s eyes. Understanding why your child may be shy around you is the first step towards nurturing their confidence and building a stronger parent-child bond. Remember that shyness is a normal part of a child’s development, and with your love, support, patience and empathy, you can help your child feel more comfortable and confident around you. By creating a non-judgmental environment, effective communication, and respecting their boundaries, you’ll help them overcome shyness and blossom into their unique selves, both around you and in the world at large.
